So the wedding and honeymoon have come and gone. I could write a book about the experience, but blogging it all somehow feels strange. (Believe me --I drafted three paragraphs and then deleted it!)
Instead, let me offer two pieces of advice for anyone planning a wedding and honeymoon anytime soon. These are honestly my only two regrets, which is a testament to how wonderful everything was. I'd still never ever want to revisit even a day of the planning. I'm still exhaling in relief from it all being OVER! But all told, it was just right except for these two things. If I could have known these two things, things would have gone from 98% right to 100% right!
1. Don't expect to get to visit, really visit, with your guests. So sad and so disappointing, but turns out it was so true. It was, in hindsight, silly of me to think that I'd get to catch up with friends I almost never see, get good time with the extended family, AND really kick back and relax with the friends we see most often. NONE of that was possible, just given the logistics of having the ceremony, doing the necessary photos (and we minimized this as much as possible), eating, and playing host to 130 people with 130 very different schedules and priorities. I know I got to see everyone at least once and get in a quick hello and thank you. But really getting time with people? No way. That bummed me out that day, and it's the one thing looking back that still bums me out. Perhaps it wouldn't have been so troubling had I known this in advance, or remembered being on the other end of dozens of weddings where I never felt troubled by getting only a minute or two with the bride and groom. Honestly, it never occurred to me how busy we'd be or what it's like to NOT be the guest at the wedding. We still loved the day and had a lot of fun, but wow.... not the time to socialize and catch up when you're the bride or groom!
2. Don't plan an active honeymoon! It's not like we did an "Active" active honeymoon, like kayaking or playing Amazing Race. But with 6 days and 5 nights in the Bay Area, and 2-3 different things to do out there, following an intense week and really an intense few months of wedding planning.... we weren't in the mood to be on the move. We still had a great time. A day in Napa, a day in Sonoma, a day in the City, a day driving the Coast, etc. But there were several points where we blew off our ambitions to return to the place we were staying to just sit.... and do nothing else. We didn't understand it in advance, but we can both now totally see the appeal of a "sitting on the beach" honeymoon. The last thing we were in the mood for were more schedules (and we planned them very, very loosely, as in "today we go to San Francisco" or "today we visit wineries in Napa" --for me this is very non-planny), maps, and drives. And we're people who LIKE to take road trips, explore new places as well as old favorites, etc. None of that mattered. We just wanted to loaf!
So those are my two 1% improvements. We honestly couldn't have been happier with the day. (A few photos here!) But it's just like the rest of life, "If only I'd known then what I know now...."
And speaking of now, we're both happily welcoming fall and ready to get back into our real life together..... which is why we got married in the first place.
This summer has been stressful. What's annoying is that, in large part, it's very much stress of my own making. I'll admit that one of the driving factors of my stress has been this: I have been a student for all but 4 years of my life...up until this year. In reflecting on the past couple months, I can't help but believe that in January, when I woke up to realize that the period of my life in which class attendance has ended, I started having some kind of crisis. Since then, I've been trying to figure out how to make my way through the world without that*. It's been hard--not like, "I'm starving" hard, but like, "I'm disheartened and lost" hard. I feel too old to be at this point (although I'm told that's a stupid thought...the word "stupid" was actually used). But, frankly, I thought I'd already cleared this up in my 20s. And a total lack of schedule this summer has caused this crisis to manifest itself in a myriad of ways that, ultimately, have created stress that was completely unnecessary.
In order to find some measure of comfort and to deliver me from my discontent, the last 4 months have watched me: 1) move into a new apartment 2) teach a summer class for the first time 3) rearrange friendships 4) sit on my couch and stress about work not getting done 5) buy a car--and insurance and license plates 6) take a temp job to fill the time. The list could continue a little further but it needn't. I feel like I've done all the wrong things (although, not all of these ended in disaster.) And now, I'm sitting on the edge of the one that has caused me the most latent worry for the longest time: A sociology conference in Barcelona, presenting a paper on Marx's Theory of Alienation.
At the time that this idea was pitched, it seemed good. Play up the Spain part (not at all a bad thing) and forget about the paper. Which, I've done successfully. Except that the paper portion keeps wedging its way into my mind. And now, as I'm reviewing the program for next weekend, I'm wondering what I'm doing. It's these moments of "professionalism" that make me very nervous. I don't want to own what I'm doing. Perhaps more accurately, I don't feel like I'm worthy enough to do it. I have absolutely taxed my friends over this and they've all said the right (and rational) things. Everything will be fine. But I'm struggling to find an approach to make this work. Obviously, I've only got a couple days left. Maybe I just need to stop preparing for it and go. Just go. And remember to breathe. But here's the question for me: How do I convince myself that I'm worthy? Maybe "just go" is the answer...once I get this first one under my belt (theory paper presentation, that is), maybe I'll feel more worthy. Even if not, I'll definitely be more relieved!
But, if there's any advice out there feeling useless, I'd not turn it down!
*Also a temporary reality if I really want it to be. There's lots of schooling to be had, I suppose. But it might be time for me to cut the cord.
How do you react when you're stressed?
Submitted by Deep ThinkerOh-ho. I have many stress responses...mostly because I live in a constant state of stress that ebbs and flows but never really dissipates. But I'm like a volcano. The stress can build and build and I know it's there but most people wouldn't necessarily. And then one teeny-tiny thing will just push me directly over the edge and I just wig out. That could be an anger wig out--and I mean like blazing, furious, four-letter-word spewing anger OR it could be the Niagara Falls of waterworks. But when this happens, I don't sob but just seep for hours at a time. In fact, much like those weird days where it's raining but sunny, very often in this brand of stress out, I'll be laughing and crying at the same time. Whatever it is, it's extreme. And it's very disturbing to watch, from what I'm told. I try to avoid these at all costs.
Nothing like a trip abroad to snap me into "let's get shit done" mode. Earlier today I was on the phone for hours talking to my banks, credit card companies, the airlines we're flying on (United sucks and, thus, I spoke to a lovely person at Lufthansa...). I was ultimately the picture of efficiency. I did two loads of laundry, washed some dishes, paid some bills, and am slowly unpacking all the "bags of things" that have been sitting on my secondary couch for upwards of 3 weeks.
But, my most shining moment was the successful hooking up of the VCR. This has been the bain of my existence since I moved because I couldn't figure out how to run it through the fabulous RCN digital converter box. The four orange dashes where the time was supposed to go just sat there staring at me, taunting my inability to understand a simple pyramidal connection between cable, VCR/DVD, and the television. The real kicker is that I've accomplished much more sophisticated hook-ups (techological ones, people) before. I've re-hooked up my computer several times since my brother did the inaugural install. I've added hardware, I've messed with my printer, I've set up scanners for other people. I'm not a complete idiot. But add in one coaxial cable and I lose all tech power.
Well...finally...a mere two days before I leave for Barcelona and under the gun due to Monica bringing the Gilmore Girls over tomorrow, I took that coaxial cable by it's proverbial throat and I beat it into submission. I can now record on VCR, play a tape, toggle to the DVD player, go back to the tv...and all on one remote. This is a status quo I have never achieved with this device. To be honest, if I was pressed to explain how it's working I absolutely could not. Nor could I find this kind of "technological lightning in a bottle" again if my life depended on it. But I'm not going to worry about that now. I'm going to watch a DVD and bask in the glow of my triumph.
What's the best pick up line you've ever heard?
Easy: It was "So.... you got any sisters?"
My dad said it to me as a joke at a bar once.
We still laugh about it and mimic my disgusted response: "Dad!"
He's pretty proud of that one.
The Olympics is officially over. No "Today" from Beijing. No Women's Rhythmic Gymnastics hoop and ball event on tv at 5:30 this morning. It's all gone. [Sigh].
To London 2012.
What are you looking forward to this week?
The wedding!! The festivities begin tomorrow night. I will finally complete and mail off my first batch of job applications. (That alone is a huge hurdle to clear --getting these ready has been so stressful.) Bee gets our rental car (cheaper at the weekly than daily rate so we have it Monday - Monday), and we're going to Green Zebra to celebrate our last night in town and get some private time together, which I think will be VERY difficult to get anytime in the next week.
Tuesday morning we leave town, going straight to downtown GR to apply for our marriage license and run a few little errands.
Wednesday we're assembling the ceremony programs (including deciding HOW we'll assemble them) and running more errands, and then picking up some of John-Patrick's family at the airport.
Thursday nails get done, the first setup happens at San Chez, and I hope to sneak away for some time with a few girlfriends in the evening.
Friday we check into our hotel, I pick up my sister at the airport, we get the dresses, we set up the chairs in the ceremony room, we do more setup in the reception area, and we rehearse at night! Then Sandie and Steve are throwing us a rehearsal party,not for just the wedding party (because there really is none) but for anyone who is in town and wants to celebrate.
Saturday is the wedding day! Mostly I prep and get ready with my mom and sister all day. Ceremony's at 5, cocktails and butler service to follow, then dinner, dancing, and merriment.
Sunday we quickly come back to Chicago to unpack and then repack. One night at home. I can't believe that will be one week from today. Like ALL that crazy stuff will happen within the next week. We will be married in less than a week!!
Then we're gone again Monday - Saturday, to the Bay Area for our honeymoon. A few days in Napa & Sonoma, some great meals, a day in the city, a drive down the coast including to the spot where we got engaged. Then back home and (happily) back to normal life.
Weeee!!!
Any last minute summer plans for the weekend?
We're canning. (Thanks in large part to Pacyna for letting us tap her and the Chevy Malibu 2000 3000 in our quest for jars.)
Bee woke up with canning on the brain, so that's our little summer project this weekend. And it's ideal since we're about to leave town for two weeks.
I'm sure some photos and a blog post will follow.....
As previously discussed, I've been an Olympic hound for the past two weeks, to the point that I'm not really sure what will happen when it finishes tomorrow night and I'm left like a helpless little pup to defend myself against at least another month of horrible tv. But I'm not going to think about that now. Instead I'm going to bring to you my top ten list of the greatest Agonies that we've had to endure during the NBC primetime broadcasts of this 29th Olympiad. Hold on to your hats...I've got a lot of rage. But, to be fair, offering critique only works if you also offer solutions. I've taken it upon myself to lend a guiding hand in correcting some of these egregious errors for London in 2012. Drum roll please...
Agonies of Defeat
- 10. Usain Bolt. Dubbed the fastest man on the planet. Given plenty of screen time for his humble upbringing in Jamaica. I think I'm going to dub him the most arrogant man on the planet, taking a full, weird victory lap after establishing a new WR in the 100m dash in which he removed his shoes, taunted the crowd, and suggested he was somehow king of the world, unseating James Cameron who previously held the "most arrogant man on the planet" title. To make matters worse, in a bit of spin-doctoring to cover over this shameless display of self-greatness, he announced he'd be donating $50,000 to Chinese orphans or something. I'm not buying it. Solution: Kick Bolt in the shins and gimme Asafa Powell any day and twice on Sunday.
- 9. Alicia Sacramone. What a whiny cry-baby. I don't really care that this highly experienced and decorated gymnast fell off beam (her specialty) and then fell off floor (yes it's possible and yes it's her second specialty) to ensure the US women's team would NOT wear gold. I can look past that because it's sports and that's what happens. But her response to it was so high-school-girl (technically, she's in college.) She cried, she teared up, she overly hugged people, she clung, she glared at the other teams who managed to not colossally screw up like she did, she cried during interviews (a sports no-no), she cried again. All crying all day long. Drama queen. If her life story was a movie, she'd be played by Lindsay Lohan. Ugh. Solution: Alicia, go do college gymnastics and get a life.
- 8. Men and Women's Water Polo Headgear. Practical, yes. Protective of the ears, yes. Tied underneath the chins of hulking men (and women...they were announcing measurements the other day...a lot of women are in the 230-240 lb range!...and it's muscle!) with "little ribbons"...yes. It's not right. Solution: Commission Tim Gunn of Project Runway fame to come up with a design more fitting of this ridiculously difficult, highly atheletic sport. If anyone can "make it work" he can.
- 7. NBC's generally nationalized coverage. This kills me. There are 40 gazillion events going on and NBC pretty much chooses to cover only the ones that have a US contender in them. I've heard the US National Anthem about 20 times as they'll cut to a medal ceremony just to watch an American receive a gold. Meanwhile, in the event you were just watching for the past 3 hours, the US is getting a beat down. We don't get to see those people pick up their awards. There have been notable exceptions this year. Because it's en vogue, we've seen a lot of Chinese medalists this year and the random German or Russian who happens to beat an American in the final round. Honestly, I use this time to familiarize myself with some of the greatest (and wackiest) national anthems of other countries. I lost out on that opportunity this year and I'm not happy about it. Solution: NBC, instead of creating a story about a certain athlete from start to finish, just turn your cameras toward the sports and let 'em play out, will ya. Geez. What do I have to do to hear the strident tones of the national anthems of the Eastern European countries, for the love of God?
- 6. Men's Synchro Diving. Its one thing to put up with the teeny-tiny speedos that male divers wear. I'm also not sure why every surface of their body has to be completely hair free. These traits combined with a bizarre kind of flexibility make men's diving weird to watch. I always feel conflicted about it (and I'm realizing this might be some kind of gendering problem I have). Then, add to it a partner and it's too much. I just don't like it. I don't like the women's either but the men's is particularly bothersome. Maybe I just see it as the last step before the inception of men's synchronized swimming which absolutely should never, ever, ever be allowed. I live in fear. Solution: C'mon folks...let's just stick to solo diving. Isn't jumping off a platform 40 feet in the air and spinning and twisting 3.5 times before hitting the cement-like surface of the water at rocket speed enough spectacle for one event?
- 5.Team Dressage. No, this has nothing to do with fashion. It's the super-technical equestrian competition in which riders literally put horses through their paces--trot, cantor, diagonal cross, whatever else. This is like watching paint dry (of course, I continued to watch for 5 hours after I had that realization) and I have to ask who the athlete is...if we're going to award medals to horses, then we gotta allow for the dog jumping competitions with the frisbees. Solution: No quadripeds allowed in the Olympics...period.
- 4.Both US Softball and Baseball Teams fail to win the gold medal. Nothing like getting beaten at a game your country invented and in the midst of neither sport returning in 2012 because the US wins too much. This is proof to me that these decisions should wait until reality actually reveals itself. Solution: Re-instate softball and baseball as team sports and give Cuba the chance they deserve to win one gold medal every Olympic games.
- 3. Artistic Gymnastics Judging. Ironically, these fools get a bronze in my system of judging but should feel no pride. I'm still trying to sort through how a Chinese gymnast (who I respect and admire) gets a higher score on a vault she landed on her knees than another gymnast who stuck both landings on 2 different vaults. That's not right. Also not right is scoring two gymnasts exactly the same, only to let the computer rank them 1 & 2 by using a series of calculations so intricate and technical that NASA scientists couldn't untangle them. Nastia Liukin should be the UE bars co-champ and instead she's wearing a silver. Not right. Also not right...and I could go on and on and on. The system is, for true lack of a better word, fucked and as a fan of artistic gymnastics (and perhaps something of an afficionado) I'm getting tired. Solution: FIG (International Federation of Gymnastics) should hire Tim Daggett (beloved commentator and gymnastics know-it-all in a good way) to come up with a new system that completely removes the ability to do instant-replays and outlines necessary qualifications for people judging at the international level.
- 2. The media coverage of Michael Phelps 8 Gold Medals. I found only one thing more consistently annoying than the overblown big-deal making going on at NBC about Michael Phelps. I personally don't mind him at all and he did something that was truly extraordinary. But somehow, NBC kept going to this idea of "destiny" as the explanation. Michael Phelps was not destined by the starry sky to do this...in fact, it was ultimately very lucky. He depended on 2 relays, one of which they were not slated to win and miraculously did, and a freakishly lucky .01 out-touch in the 100m Fly to rack up 3 of those. There were a lot of people involved in helping him out and they got absolutely no due. Jason Lezak deserves a medal of his own for turning in 2 fantastic, reality-defying swims at the age of 32 to get those medals and then having to answer stupid Andrea Cramer when she says, "How does it feel to help Michael achieve his goals?" AHHHHH. Michael Phelps proved that he is a sickeningly good athlete, but the whole swimming world did not exist to help him. Solution: Get over it NBC. Move on. And break some ground and cover other really *true* athletes--like all of those that had to graciously answer your prosaic questions about the greatness of Michael Phelps without gouging your eyes out.
- 1. Bob Costas. Can somebody just whack this guy already and be done with it. I'm so sick of his pompous, snide commentary that he thinks is funny but is objectively not, a fact apparent to everyone else. My favorite moment was early in the games when he dressed down the sound techs on camera because his wittle micwophone wasn't wewrking. How did anyone with a lisp like his get to be a broadcaster...and am I wrong or does he look like Marty McFly from "Back to the Future." As we know, history repeats itself, and we have re-found Napoleon in this guy. I won't miss him. Solution: Hire Mary Carillo as main primetime anchor and the Olympic broadcasts would once again be filled with goodness and joy.
1. I just calculated my net worth...turns out right now I'm worth -$20,000 (yes...that's a minus.) The good news is that in 10 years, according to inflation, I'll be worth $20,000. Amazing the difference a decade makes. I was annoyed, however, that in calculating this figure, money was the sole unit of measurement. Will a PhD not improve my net worth in some way? Will 10 years of lived experience count for nothing? According to Equifax.com, those answers are no. Thus I choose to reject Equifax's take on life...although I do appreciate their conscientious monitoring of my credit card activity.
2. I was eating Starburst (like 153 of them...mostly red and pink) and wondering why there are no lime starbursts. There's lemon, there's orange...it just seems like they could have closed out the citrus triumvirate by including lime. And I'm pretty sure, although I'm deeply, passionately in love with the cherry, that lime would be my favorite both in color and flavor. Starburst...I think you missed the boat on the classic flavors. I may have to send you an e-mail.
That is all...random, see.
